Ok… So there’s those sayings about “one day you’ll meet someone and you’ll know why it never worked out with anyone else”.

And I always hoped that was true. But being broken hearted for the past 2 years and dealing with the drama with that ex and such… I was quite skeptical.

And then…. I met him.

I really really like him. I can’t wait to see how it goes. :) he’s been more than amazing already.

I really really like him :) all the other guys these past 2 years, just rebound after rebound. And I wanted so badly to know why I couldn’t find someone. What was wrong with me.
But nothing is wrong with me.
Just waiting for him :) and so glad I waited. Instead of jumping into something where I wasn’t truly happy.

Because I’m truly happy right now :)

This is my second excerpt I wanted to post. The first one mainly helps me to realize I need to be strong and move on. This one helps me to realize I need to not be too strong, that I scare future potential loves away. Because a lot of the time, I am exactly like the main character in this book, Remy.

From This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen:

       “Love is a sham,” I said, sliding the saltshaker in a circle.
       “Oh, honey, no!” She reached over and took my hand, squeezing my fingers. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
       I shrugged. “I have yet to be convinced otherwise.”
      “Oh, Remy.” She picked up my hand, folding her fingers around mine. Hers were smaller, cooler, the nails bright pink. “How can you say that?”
      I just looked at her. One, two, three seconds. And then she was with me.
      “Oh, now,” she said, letting my hand go, “just because a few marriages didn’t last doesn’t make it a total wash. I had many good years with your father, Remy, and the best part was that I got Chris and you out of it. The four years I had with Harold were wonderful, until the very end. And even with Martin and Win, I was happy for most of the time.”
      “But they did end, all of them,” I said, “They failed.”
      “Maybe some people would say so.” She folded her hands in her lap and thought for a second. “But I think, personally, that it would be worse to have been alone all that time. Sure, maybe I would have protected my heart from some things, but would that really have been better? To hold myself apart because I was too scared that something might not be forever?”
      “Maybe,” I said, picking at the edge of the table. “Because at least then you’re safe. The fate of your heart is your choice, and no one else gets a vote.”
      She considered this, really thinking about it, then said, “Well, it’s true that I have been hurt in my life. Quite a bit. But it’s also true that I have loved, and been loved. And that carries a weight of it’s own. A greater weight, in my opinion. It’s like that pie chart we talked about earlier. In the end, I’ll look back on my life and see the greatest piece of it was love. The problems, the divorces, the sadness… those will be there too, but just smaller slivers, tiny pieces.”
      “I just think that you have to protect yourself,” I said. “You can’t just give yourself away.”
      “No,” she said solemnly. “You can’t. But holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. If anything, it makes you weaker. Because you’re doing it out of fear.”
     ”Fear of what?” I said. 
     ”Of taking that chance,” she said simply. “Of letting go and giving into it, and that’s what makes us what we are. Risks. That’s living, Remy. Being too scared to even try it— that’s just a waste. I can say I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I don’t regret things. Because at least I didn’t spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.”
      I sat there, not even sure what to say next. I realized I’d felt sorry for my mother for nothing. All these years I’d pitied her, all her marriages, saw the very fact that she kept trying as her greatest weakness, not understanding that to her, it was the complete opposite. In her mind, me sending Dexter away made me weaker than him, not stronger.

There are two excerpts from two separate books that have really been helpful to me. I want to put them on here, so I can easily access them to read them whenever I need a nudge in the right direction.

From Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3:

“She was still waiting for him to come back to her, even though he wasn’t going to. She was still holding out for something that wasn’t going to happen. She was good at waiting. That seemed like a sad thing to be good at. She needed to be free of him. She needed to get on with her life. Maybe even to fall in love again. It was easy to wish to let go of the torture and the heartbreak and the missing Kostos. It seemed easy, at least. But there was a catch. To let go of the pain, she had to give up the other parts too: the feeling of being loved. The feeling of being wanted and even needed. The way Kostos looked at her and touched her. The way her name sounded when he said it. The number of times he had written ‘I love you’ at the end of his third to last letter (17, one for each year of her life). And yes, she did still read those letters. Time for a full confession: she did. It wasn’t the suffering she willfully clung to. It was the precious stuff. But the precious stuff attached her, irrevocably to the pain. She waited for Kostos to come to her. She waited for him to release her. She lived quietly, passively, at the margins of other peoples bigger lives. She took up the space they left for her. She couldn’t wait for Kostos anymore. That was the thing she learned from the face she saw in the mirror. There was one person who could release Lena, and Lena was looking right at her.”